What Are Your Relationships For?

Relationships are tough AF. People want love, reciprocity, fun, intimacy, time apart and sometimes they want all of that close together. So, what! Should we not expect to live on this earth and enjoy the people in our lives without feeling as if we’re asking for too much?

I’m a giver. I give my time to people. I give my love to people. Sometimes, I give money to people. What I hope for in return is respect, consideration, openness and love.

Asha Tarry, Life Coach

I share this with you because I know I’m not the only one who has heard other people, specifically women, fret about not being able to “have it all”—whatever that means to you. Most women believe that you can only have 1 or possibly 2 good things in life—a decent job or a romantic partner. And either or both can be settled for should you have a limit on when you expect either or both to arrive. Well, I say, screw that way of thinking! Women do so much in the world, and yet our ideas of ourselves are often bound by the perspectives of other people.

Before I started putting my focus on my significant relationships I asked myself some very tough questions. I started with asking myself what kind of relationships I wanted to invest in? And yes, I said invest because relationships are something I expect to receive something from. Did you not see my self-descriptions above? I evaluated the people that I accepted as friends and then I investigated who those people had been to me. Were they friends from childhood or college that I held onto just because we grew up together? Or were they people I could confide in, rely on, and trust? I really had to sit and examine each person I called a “friend.” Friendships are so important to me. They are the elected family members I long for.

I also began assessing whether I learn from the people in my intimate circles or was I the teacher, student and master? I found myself oftentimes in the latter category and discovered that I didn’t like it. I wanted more. I deserve more. I am someone who works consistently on being present to myself, and to those I care about so, I’m going to consistently see where things need my attention and hold myself accountable to my desires.

In Adulting As A Millennial (my audiobook), I talk about a range of relationships that impacted my life. Each one gave me something special to learn something more about life. Most important, they taught me how to love myself. And for that, I wouldn’t change a thing about any one of them.

Are you establishing and strengthening relationships that teach you, expand you, and make you feel alive? What are you waiting for?

*This blog is about becoming free. It’s a reflection of introspective thoughts and experiences that have crossed miles of self-discovery. I created this blog to inspire others to live life with less self-criticism, judgment and openness to new experiences. May you find that you learn how to live a life by design and on your own terms!*

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