Category: LIFESTYLE BLOG

I love, love. I love loving people. I love being in love with my loved ones- family and friends. I love expressing and exchanging love with my loving partner. It’s just a magical feeling that makes me feel fully alive. But, one thing I’ve learned about myself in recent months (that’s right, I’m still learning about myself all the time) is that sometimes the way I love others is a reflection of a self-importance that has at times created inner tension, occasional overwhelm and some distancing from others in my intimate relationships.

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with narcissism but what a lot of people don’t recognize is how much narcissism is engrained in our self-concept from early childhood. It is through acts of kindness at times that we find ourselves with a savior’s complex that involves overextending ourselves for the sake of “being a good person” or helpful.

It was after a breakup and several years of going in and out of touch with people involved in my previous relationship that I recognized how invested I still was in my former partner’s life, though at the time I was in a new relationship. My ex-lover was someone I cared deeply about. They had a long history of trauma, something I’m quite familiar with on both a personal and a professional level. I thought, “this person needs help. They need understanding and patience” yet I wondered had I forgotten why I was no longer with them? For clarification, when you’re healing trauma you must remove yourself from the people and places that caused it.

After a few attempts at trying to assist my ex-partner with some healing I had a talk with myself and asked myself very honestly why I was directing my attention there when I had an amazing new love in my life. Why did I need to center myself around this man’s healing when he had a very capable family who could do what I was doing? I needed to be told (and I told this to myself) that the best friend I can be is to myself. I looked at my behavior and my pattern of being “everything to everyone” so often that I forgot how important it was to me to be present to myself, to my new relationship and to all the prosperity coming my way.

My idea about who I was and how I was conditioned earlier in my life to be ever-present for adults who centered themselves was a valuable lesson to learn, and that is, that I am nobody’s superhero! I am not so important that other people with talents, smarts and capabilities don’t have the same figureoutable  attitude that I’ve gained through my life experiences.

Narcissism isn’t as bad of a word as I once thought. It has helped me heal some injuries I didn’t know I was wounded with, starting with the one that began with thinking of others before I think of myself, my wants, my needs and my goals, first.

Are you involved in a relationship or multiple relationships where you’re the go-to person for everyone? How does that feel most of the time? Is there anything different you want to change about that? What exactly do you believe your role is in other people’s lives? I recommend creating a mental spreadsheet of your closest relationships. Ask yourself how you got involved in each one of them. Then, look at the balance of input vs. output. Is it reciprocated? Is it fair?

Let me know what you’ve discovered…

*This blog is about becoming free. It’s a reflection of introspective thoughts and experiences that have crossed miles of self-discovery. I created this blog to inspire others to live life with less self-criticism, judgment and openness to new experiences. May you find that you learn how to live a life by design and on your own terms!*

You start off chemically charged from the moment you set eyes on them. You begin fantasizing about the “what if’s” and get excited imagining the things you always said you wanted in them. Things rush in! Can you feel it yet? Close your eyes and sink into that feeling a little deeper. Feel it through your entire being. Continue to impress upon your imagination what that person looks like. Remember how excited you become when they move in close. How does your skin feel when they’re touching you? How do they smell? What are they wearing? What are you wearing? How are you standing? Is it powerful? Is it confident? Do you feel your entire self?

Now, open your eyes. Where are you? Is that present moment still with you? What you just created was a fantasy IRT—in real time! That is what we do all day long. We create moments. We think up ideas whether those ideas are true or false. Sometimes we believe those ideas. Sometimes we want those ideas so badly to work for us, but what we miss is how every millisecond of the day is another opportunity to create spontaneous moments and serendipity. And how we keep living with fire between our veins depends upon the sharpening of our minds.

Pause for a second. I want you to take a deep breath, then let it out. Wait. Now try to connect to a memory of a time when you were unhappy. What do you remember? Was the unhappiness caused by an experience with something or someone that created this unwanted feeling? Or was it based on a perception you had of what occurred? Notice how quickly or how long it took you to return to that period of time. Whatever it was rethink it today. Reimagine it another way. Connect with other components that you can recall such as sounds, sights, people, and how you were feeling that day too. Is the story different now than how you once recalled it? Did you forget aspects of that day that are presently flowing?

The events are not the only necessities of this story. What is crucial is how you retain and use what it is you remember. However you use your brain to show yourself what you’re capable of is up to your brain and its decisions. As we formulate powerful and exciting feelings that we enjoy, we also formulate despicable and forgettable or regrettable moments that we want to ignore. Every moment does something unique and personal to where we are mentally and physically in space and time.

Here’s an exercise for you to try the next time you decide to use your brain constructively: visualize the full engagement of all your physical senses to co-opt something magical that you will experience throughout your body. Recognize the power you have to create any moment that you wish. Then, thank whatever ultimate power you might believe in for how your mind works. Sit in the memories that arise both mentally and physically. Stay with each moment when you notice it. Try this whenever you are feeling anything that may be complicated or confusing to you and watch what happens. May you discover more awareness and more thrilling adventures along this path of liberating yourself from the painful experiences that were once your reality.

*This blog is about becoming free. It’s a reflection of introspective thoughts and experiences that have crossed miles of self-discovery. I created this blog to inspire others to live life with less self-criticism, judgment and openness to new experiences. May you find that you learn how to live a life by design and on your own terms!*