Self-Care In An Age of Self-First: How to Take Care of Us & Others

There are a lot of reasons why we need self-love and self-care right now. Still, we can love who we are and what we are becoming while also being mindful of how we tend to the relationships we say we care most about.

In an age of innumerable self-care gurus, everyone has advice for how to best take care of yourself. From the multitude of organic health products on the market, to the food services that can be delivered almost anytime to your front door, there is something to ease the stress of everyday life, and from everywhere in the world. But, who’s helping us take care of ourselves, while also remembering to take care of our relationships? It seems that in most places I look these “ads” about taking a break—which I am a proponent of, don’t necessarily engage people on how to let people around you know when you are either about to take a break, or are in the middle of a break, so that your loved ones don’t end up endlessly worrying about you, or at best, worrying about where you are in your relationship with them.

So many times, I’ve had to coach people on this. So many more times, I’ve seen this up close and personal. The idea that people can do what’s best for them while thinking about how that may impact others after long stretches of time seems to perplex even the least complicated person.

I’m not advocating that everyone should receive a heads up for each minor moment you need to yourself. But, from my time spent in private consultations with people, I gather that people would at least like to be thought of should their friends and family take time away to “do them.”

I recommend a few techniques one can do in taking care of yourself while remembering your relationships:

1. 1. 1. Consider who and when you’ll respond to people closest to you. Will you let them know that you’re “doing you” within a few hours or days apart? Consider the nature of the relationship.
         
         
      2. Assess where you are week to week, or day to day, especially if your tolerance for frustration or stress seems insurmountable at times. Before you suddenly stop, track your mood, and watch how long you can maintain accountability before you need time off from relating to other people.
         
         
      3. If writing texts or emails feels too exhausting to consider when you may be going offline from folks, put an auto-message on your email signature so people at least know that you’re safe.
         
         
      4. If you have someone in your life that you’re close to—a significant other, a parent, a sibling or another friend who is in other circles with you, let at least 1 of them know that you’re taking some time away for yourself so if other people reach out to you, the friend you’ve “left in charge” of sharing news can say something to those whom you are momentarily at a distance.
         
         
      5. When you return from your hiatus consider talking to your friends about why you needed the break. Was your break triggered by work/life stress? Was it triggered by caring for a sick loved one? Was it that you were grieving? Or was it something about multiple roles and responsibilities that had you feeling overwhelmed?

If we’re going to survive this pandemic with some of our relationships intact, it’s going to require that we know what we need, how to give it to ourselves, but at the same time, how to at least communicate that at times to other people. When we rise above these trials, we may feel better that we have those around us who we still care about beside us.

Tell me, what are you doing these days to nurture your wellbeing while also considering your presence in other people’s lives?

*This blog is about becoming free. It’s a reflection of introspective thoughts and experiences that have crossed miles of self-discovery. I created this blog to inspire others to live life with less self-criticism, judgment and openness to new experiences. May you find that you learn how to live a life by design and on your own terms!*