How My Healing Began…
One day after leaving a store in my community I learned about a man who had been shot and killed while attempting to protect people in the store from a robbery that was occurring. This same man assisted me hours earlier in finding something I was looking for in exactly the same location. I couldn’t understand it. “How could this happen to a man like this- a religious man who was attempting to keep people safe from harm?”
I was so distraught from that experience that I sought support from someone who could help me process my thoughts and the images that came flooding my mind while I was both awake and asleep. This was the beginning of my healing journey.
I began seeing a psychoanalyst and started psychoanalysis- the process of uncovering my deepest unconscious thoughts. I was already a professional in the mental health industry, but I had yet to go to therapy. Ironic, I know. But, oh so common in this field. Three days a week I mentally traveled with my analyst into my unconscious psychology. I learned things about myself, my family, and my relational style that continued to unfold for years to come.
As time passed, I also became intrigued by the metaphysical aspect of spirituality- taking up crystals, amulets, and energy healing. I started talking about manifestation power and learned from guides who spoke the same way. What began as naive curiosity turned into a lifestyle.
Oddly, I began to strive in many areas of my life and career during this time. However, the one area that I desired to fulfill most was in my intimate romantic relationship. That’s where I found everything and everyone else except the one that God made for me.
As time went on, here’s what I learned about being a person of two minds…
I didn’t grow up as a non-believer. I grew up in a Christian household, with Christian beliefs and traditions alongside family who were of the Islamic faith and mixed belief systems. As a person from mixed ethnic and cultural backgrounds it wasn’t unusual to me to hold different beliefs and contexts at once. It’s actually one of the traits about me that make me good at what I do for a living. However, during this time, what I discovered about being a Believer was how dangerous it is to be a hybrid believer. Because I had become separated from God, I couldn’t trust myself. Nor could I trust others. I lost my discernment and essentially, lost my way.
My life was off-track and so were my values. I learned a variety of spiritual practices, and from people of various faiths who taught sorcery. I took on the idea that my life and the good things that happened to me were a result of an innate power that I possessed- and still do- but without remembering that God is the source of that power and I have the authority through him to change my life. (Genesis 1:26-31).
But thank God for repentance. One day, I began turning away from the practices I once participated in. I gave away my healing beaded bracelets. I stopped using the word, “Universe” in place of God and quit placing idols before Him (Exodus 20:3). I stopped talking about my individual manifestation power and started giving God the glory for the many, many things He has done and continues to do in my life. And when I did, I slowly began feeling more grounded. My intuition (the Holy Spirit) started speaking to me again. I became convicted in who I am and started using my divine authority to reject things that were not of God including other spiritual practices, doubt, and uncertainty. And when I did this, some of my earlier childhood wounds began to heal.
While I was separated from God, I also began developing health issues. I had more misaligned relationships in my life than I could count. I was overwhelmed with family stress. My intimate partner and I didn’t see eye to eye on things. I was becoming disgruntled with work. And I began experiencing betrayal and plagues in my parent’s home.
It took time a long time for me to return to God. Actually, it took decades. But thankfully, I did.
Here’s what started to happen when I returned to the Lord…
My life transformed.
I stopped complaining about what I wasn’t getting out of my love life, work, and relationships. I started listening to Biblical teachings about running a kingdom business. I developed firm boundaries. I started reading the Bible again as I had done many times in my youth and parochial school upbringing. I got married. I started mentoring young women again. I received support from the right mentors, peers, and family. I felt loved in a way that I hadn’t remembered feeling since I was a child.
Today, my life is abundant and connected to the purpose that God has for me. I have a healthier relationship with my mother whom I once had a strained relationship with. I have clients I adore serving. I work less. I earn more than enough income to support my family’s financial goals and my personal interests. I live a fruitful and gentle life. I feel anxious about nothing!